This girl is more easily done than said...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
