I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
