exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
