You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
