So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
