i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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