Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
