if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
