honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize