where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
