Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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