Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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