So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
