Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
