so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
