I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
