Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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