I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
