At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
