3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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