my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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