Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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