ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
