NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize