Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
