Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize