dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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