Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize