My boss' voice literally gives me gas
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
