Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
True strength comes from lack of pants
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
