she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
