Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
