I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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