Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
