He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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