clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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