The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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