he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
