I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize