I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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