How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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