thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
