Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
