Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
