Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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