Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
