Its about making memories worth repressing
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
