I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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