im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
