How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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