the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
