At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
