It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
