Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
