did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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