yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
