Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
