I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just gargled with NyQuil
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
