According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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