I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
