I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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