Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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