No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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