Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
