Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
