i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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