oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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