I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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