Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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