I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
