We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
