I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
