i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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