wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
