I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize