I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
