I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
