walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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