I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
