At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
