i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
