Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
